Kickstarting.

They say there is no better time than the present. Usually, I am the one who thinks “well, but I could take a nap and do it later”… But I’ve decided that it’s too long overdue to start embracing that sentiment. Today starts the first day of a new Mandy. I know I’ve said this countless times before. And sometimes I am new for awhile before I morph back into the same old, same old. But things have to change. And I have to be the one to change them, and I have to change them for myself most of all.

I have been chubby/fat/overweight/obese/chunky/husky/fluffy (take your pick!) my entire life. Well, I think there were a few years in the beginning where I kept myself on track… But still – for as long as I can remember, that has been an adjective that I could confidently apply to myself. I shopped in women’s sizes in late elementary on, was constantly afraid of fitting into things and places, and carried around a layer of physical and emotional padding everywhere I went. I’ve managed to hold my head up high most of the time, and keep a smile on my face and a laugh in my voice because, for the most part, that was exactly how I felt. I have learned through the years that even though I’m carrying this weight around, and this is who I am on the outside, it’s really easy to just shut it out most of the time. I’m surrounded by so many people who are a new layer of padding, who keep me safe, and support me no matter what, and for that I am so grateful. I have never lacked support in my life, no matter what stage I was at, and for that I am the most spoiled person in the world. 🙂 But still, there are lots of times that get me down, and there is no way to not confront the painfully obvious: I am incredibly overweight, and something needs to be done about that. 

But today marks Day 1 of becoming a new me. Today I start Weight Watchers again, a program that I was very successful on before. And today I commit to the fact that I’m going to be a new me. My reality is changing day in and day out, and will continue to improve with the effort and care I put into it. I guess you can say I’m putting on my plus-sized big girl pants, and really buckling down. Something feels different this time around, and I’m choosing to embrace that and harnessing it for good. Because there are so many things that I want in my life right now… I wanted things before, but not badly enough to really stick with it. And the things that I want are so much bigger than they were before. They are things that will impact my life for the rest of the time that I am given here on earth (and stretching that time out is on the list!). And bettering myself physically is going to open up a whole new world for me, and will allow me to accomplish these things, however small or big they are. Things like being able to have children safely, to be able to move and interact with them more freely, to be able to fly comfortably or fit into a theater seat better, to lessen the amount of medication that I take, to being able to buy cheaper clothing because it’s sold in regular stores… Some of my reasons are petty (liking myself in a photo), and some are huge (wanting to be a mom sooooo badly but knowing the risks that I bring to the table the way that I am right now). But all of them are mine. They are personal, and real, and valid. And today is the day that I kickstart myself, and start running – with these, and all of my family and friends and supporters, cheering me on. Reminding me not only that I can do it, but that I need to do it, want to do it, and will do it. 

So wish me luck, my friends, and feel free to follow my journey and keep me accountable. Because I know that I’m going to need it every step of the way! 

Image

Day 1 – Starting with a smile… 🙂

Advertisements